Frustrated

I am frustrated as the title elludes. My tooth does not seem to be feeling any better at all....I am trying not to be Miss Complain here, but it hurts!!!! I think it's infected, I guess I will have to call the dr's. It wouldn't be so bad if there wasn't a humungo cold sore on the same side so I can barely open my mouth, and it hurts to laugh which is hard with Tim around, as anyone who knows him can attest. I feel bad for my hubby. A lot of people are really sweet to me with the whole baby issue, but he really has no one who can relate. He wants a baby so bad, as much as I do. It's hard for him because most people only see the female's woes, when it affects the male too. At least I know women who have been through this, he knows no one. Please keep him in prayer for encouragement, he needs it, he's a good hubby.
Well Tristan is home sick today. Apparently both him and Aidan have been throwing up. I hope that doesn't mean I have an "exciting," day ahead of me!!! Aidan is sitting on my lap right now, singing Jingle Bells, which he has been singing since Christmas!!! I am trying to teach him some new songs, but he seems to be stuck on this one!!! Oh well, I do have him singing "You Can't Touch This," by Mc Hammer, much to Tracey's chagrin!! I am sure she'll pay me back when I have kids!!! Well I am off to take care of sick ones. Have a great day!!!

AHHHHH!!!

So this week starts my three day weeks hopefully!!! My mother needs all of her final paper work to get paid but I am hoping there will be no issue. I am excited at the prospect of having Thursdays and Fridays off!!! Yippeeeeee!!!!
So yesterday I missed church which I hate because I feel this disconnection....my tooth was really hurting. I can't tell if this is part of the healing process or if something is going on with it. I have a cold sore on that same side of my mouth and it is HUGE, causing me double the pain. Sometimes the pain shoots into my ear and my eye, but I just don't know if that's part of the tooth issue or what. Anyways, just hoping this surgery on it will settle it down, cuz I am just about to yank the sucker out myself!!!
Well yesterday was a bad day for more reasons than one. It just didn't happen again this month. Another month gone by childless. It is getting really tough. I am very sad and taking it hard lately, but I know God is above all this and He is in ultimate control. I move on to hormonal shots now and more procedures. So next month I will be shooting myself up with all sorts of hormones to make my life crazy....as if I am not a moody enough person, LOL!!!! That's all I need!!!
Well I have a little one wanting breakfast so I will go for now. I am hoping this day will be a great one, and I am hoping for you as well!!! God bless!!!

The Dentist and the Freshman

So yesterday I had the day off because I had to go to the dentist. I thought, ooh a break.....not really. I had what's called a hemasection....if your dentist ever wants to do this to you, run the other way!!!! What it is is cutting the bottom part of your tooth, the root, completely out, leaving you with basically a cap on top of your gums. I only had one root taken out so I have 3 left sort of holding the tooth in. I have a huge gap and a small chunk of my gums taken out. A very small chunk, but still hurts like the dickens......seriously though I guess I had to have it done. I had a root canal that failed and this was the next option. If this doesn't work he wants me to get a bridge or an implant, which are both extremely expensive so I hope that it doesn't come to that.
So last night while having serious pain, I decided to watch one of my silent films and I picked a Harold Lloyd classic called, "The Freshman." (Don't worry I have a point in telling this.) In this movie Harold is a college freshman, of course in the 1920's, who trys to fit in by doing all these things like buying ice cream for the entire school and joining the football team, even though he doesn't know he's only the waterboy. In his eyes he is popular, while in reality he's the laughing stock of the entire school. He ends up throwing the annual school gala where he finds out that they have all been making fun of him behind his back....not one to back down he thinks he will show them all by getting into the big game coming up, still not knowing he's only the waterboy and that him being on the team was just another cruel joke. So he's on the bench in the big game and the other team is beating them royally, finally they run out of substitutes, and Harold is the last on the bench. He jumps up and gets ready to get in the game, only to be told by the coach that it was just a joke, he was only a waterboy. He sits down for a split second and then violently stands back up and tells the coach he doesn't care what the joke was that he worked his tail off and he deserves to be in the game. After Harold's relentlessness the coach puts him in. Within the first second he's knocked down and they begin to carry him out on a stretcher. Realizing that this is his big chance and it's getting blown, he jumps off the stretcher and back into the game. After numerous knockdowns, plenty of mistakes, and the whole other team going after him, Harold finally manages to make a winning touch down for his team, making him instantly popular and the school hero.
Okay so here's my point.....as I was watching this movie I started to think of us as Christians. A lot of times we are the laughing stock, we aren't popular, and the world thinks we are whacked. Just like how Harold was in this movie. But I saw how Harold never once gave up, even when he knew he was the school idiot, even after he learned what he thought was an accomplishment was a big joke. But what did he do? He perserved. If we had that kind of faith and perserverance, even when we get knocked down, spit on, treated like dirt.....even when it seems the whole world is out to get us.....think of what God could accomplish thru us. We already know that we end up the heros in the end, just like in the movie. Because we have the eternal reward. If we perservere in all things and never give up, even though it's hard, our reward will be great. If we stand up every time we are temporarily knocked down, nothing can keep us down. It's the pushing thru that's the hardest, but the reward in the end is well worth it. By the way, he gets the girl too, but she loved him all along. Kind of like our Savior has loved us and guided us all along the way.....

Mercies Are New.......

The soft sound of "Taps," played as two Marines stood facing eachother. Each took their turn holding the Flag while the other saluted it. And then they unfolded it, held it out, and then refolded it. One walked to Steve, the eldest son of Grandpa, and presented him with the flag and spoke beginning with...."On behalf of the President of the United States of America, we would like to present to you this flag and our condolences....." Then Steve and his younger brother John, brought Johnny, John's 10 year old son up, and presented the flag to him.
This was Grandpa J's funeral, and it couldn't have been a more beautiful ceremony. The Marines who performed the service were gracious in extending their sympathy afterward. They new a true brother had fallen, and I saw the respect in there eyes for this World War II vet who had fought in the South Pacific where all the action was.
Grandpa was creamated thank the Lord, because I couldn't of handled seeing him. My step-mom-in-law Laurie, and her siblings had a very tough time and that was very difficult to watch. Yes Grandpa wasn't really my or Tim's Grandpa to be exact....not by blood anyway, but he always treated us as his own, as we did in return. We had calling hours and a service on Sunday and the burial was yesterday. I am so proud the Marines were present, it was such an honor to have them there. Little Johnny held that flag so proud and so precious, as if any moment it would break. He is the last to carry on the Jamieson name so it had very special meaning.
I can see God's glory through this. A lot of people have asked me if Grandpa was saved, and all though He didn't attend church, I have had many a talk with him and truly believe he was. When his beloved wife Thelma died I saw a transformation in him and the talks we had of God really lead me to believe. I guess that's where they say faith comes in. It's very hard because most of the family isn't saved but they believe in God and heaven and that they will be with those who have gone before them. I want to tell them it doesn' t quite work that way but I don't want to steal their peace over these deaths. My step-mom-in-law, Laurie had a great talk with me and I truly believe God is working. Tim's dad Tom was saved in the 80's but he's kind of put God on the backburner, but I know he knows the truth in his heart of hearts and I am believing for a fully inspirational return to Lord. I am believing for the entire family. God is not a small God, He's a big God, and I am believing for Him to save everyone we know and love for nothing is too difficult for thee. I believe God answered my prayers with Grandpa J, there is just a peace there that I don't think would be there if he wasn't with the Lord. As the Word says, His mercies are new every morning, and I feel those mercies today. Thank you all for your kind thoughts and words.............

In Loving Tribute

Yesterday I found out that one of the dearest men in my life is gone. My Grandpa Jamison. Grandpa J was Tim's step-mother's father, but he was like my own Grandpa. He treated me like his own grandkid and loved me as much as I loved him. He died Thursday in his apartment, we are not sure of what. He had not been feeling well and my mother-in-law Laurie was supposed to take him to a doctor's appointment Thursday morning. She kept calling and couldn't reach him which is very unusual, so eventually she sent her brother Steve over, who found him in the bathroom, probably getting ready for a shower. I think it was a heart attack, from the way it sounds. Tim and I will be going to the funeral Sunday at 2pm.
How do you say goodbye so suddenly. How do you let go so fast?? One minute he's here and the next I will never see him again. What's funny is as you read in my previous entries, I had a tough week, but Thursday I was just in the rottenest mood and I couldn't figure out why. I had a feeling I just couldn't shake, now I know why. A lot of times when something happens, my God-given discernment kicks in and I can sense it. It's happened when my two young friends died when I was a teenager, and it's happened when my Grandpa and Brother Gordy from our church died. And it happened when Grandpa J's wife Thelma died. Three years ago they were in a serious car accident, a drunk driver hit them head on, killing Grandma J instantly and leaving Grandpa with a broken hip. He had to lay in a hospital bed for 2 months recuperating, while morning the loss of his wife of over 50 years. It was then that we became so close.
Grandpa loved the Yankees, that's my team. And he never treated me like I didn't know baseball just because I was a woman. As a matter of fact, my last conversation with him was about the acquisition of Johnny Damon, and a new pitcher the Yanks got this off season. Grandpa and I sat thru many a Yankee game together. We talked baseball every time we saw eachother. He always treated me like the fan that I am. When the Yanks won that huge playoff game two years ago against our hated rivals, the Red Sox, Grandpa called me the next day just to ask me if I saw the game. "How'd you like that one Kathy?? I knew you'd be up watching it, that was a great game wasn't it???" We had such a bond. Most people look old people over. Not me. I could talk to Grandpa J all day. He told me all about working on the railroad, about watching Tom Mix in silent films. Which I had asked him if he ever saw silent films in a real silent movie theater cuz that's one of my favorite things, silent films. He looked at me, surprised that I would be interested in something like that. He smiled at the thought of a young person caring about things of the past. He told me he saw Charlie Chaplin too on the silent screen. I told him I was jelous, he just shook his head and laughed. Oh his laugh, and his smile, could spark the most grumpiest of attitudes. Laurie told me that Grandpa had been so happy that I sat and talked with him, she said it meant a lot to him. It meant a lot to me too. I got just as much out of it as he did. The last Yankee game we got to watch alone together will be the most precious time I ever spent with him. Laurie and I had gone to the grocery store to pick up dinner for that night and in the parking lot we saw Grandpa J's car. She said we should see what he was doing and invite him for dinner, which I readily agreed cuz I love him so. We looked thru the whole store and finally found him, on one of the motorized carts, moving along down the isle. He had on his brown sweater....even though it was summer....and his newsboy hat. I will never forget looking at him from that perspective, that photo will remain in my memory forever. We asked him to dinner and he was delighted....he loved me a lot too, every time he saw me his eyes lit up....everyone else even noticed it and would tell me how much Grandpa J loved me. When he came over Laurie was getting dinner ready, and Tim and his dad were upstairs, it was just Grandpa and me, in two arm chairs watching the Yanks. We didn't need to talk, we just sat together, watching the game. I felt the Holy Spirit tell me at the time, "This will be one of your most treasured times with him." And it truly is. I had Grandpa all to myself that day and no one will ever take that away.
I love you Grandpa J. I will never forget you. I will always think of you when I watch the Yankees. I will think of you when I watch silent films. I will think of you when I see a kindly elderly gentleman. I will think of you when I have my first baby and wonder if it would have pleased you to hold him or her. I will think of you at the annual fourth of July party, when we usually watched the Yanks together. I will think of you at Christmas when we are all singing and you aren't there. I will think of you and remember all the times we had together. Some people will look in the obituaries and see your picture and think, "Well that's an elderly man, at least he had a long life....." Not to me....your not just an elderly man whose life was long enough. Your my Grandpa. I can only imagine you and Grandma J up in heaven together.....walking hand in hand....no painful hip, no wrinkles, no sorrow or suffering, no pain or heartache. Someday I will see you again, and when I do, I will be updating you on how my son played for the Yanks, and how my daughter watched silent films with me. Most of all we will worship our Savior together forever. I can' t wait to see you again Grandpa. I love you..........

T.G.I.F

As the title states.....PHEWWWWW!!! I am so happy it is Friday. Not that I will have much rest this weekend cuz Tristan is turning 10 and his party is tommorow, and then I am taking Aidan and Kiersten overnight so Tracey can have a break and go do something!!! At least tommorow I get to sleep in somewhat. And Tim already guaranteed he would get up with Aidan thru the night so life is good!!! I can't believe Tristan and my other nephew Lucas are going to be 10!!!! My niece Brittany is like 5 months old from being 17!!! Gosh where does time go????? I am taking a little break now. Aidan is sleeping, he's not feeling good today. I am hoping he will be better tommorow.
I am not sure what made this such a hard stressful week but it has been. It seems like nothing wants to go right. Tonight is prayer at church instead of youth so I am hoping communing with the rest of the body of Christ will boost me. It is good to see others faith when you struggle. I don't have a lot to complain about. Everytime I start to feel sorry for myself I think of people like Lynn Cool who leads worship, while battling chemo for her stage 4 cancer. Or these four Christian girls in Indonesia who were beheaded on their way home from a Christian school, by a muslim extremist group. Those kind of things put my issues in perspective. I think I need to read my word more instead of doing just my One Year Bible, because I really need to allow the Holy Spirit to speak thru His word.
I can't wait to get my paycheck cuz hubby says I can buy some new clothes!!!! Yippeeee!!!! We are going to use our taxes this year to pay off some debts. We are hoping we will get most of them out of the way so that we can start saving. And then when we have a baby it will be just a little easier!!!! Well my love to you all, have a great weekend!!!!

Babblings

So WOW, didn't think I would get the anti-Lazytown!!!! I have to say, I was a little surprised cuz that show is so unique. I suppose you all hate Blues Clues too??? LOL!!! I used to watch that...with Steve of course...when I stayed home sick in high school!!! I can't believe that show has been on for 10 years!!!
Well my living room is painted. Now time to make sure it's cleaned again...the part I hate most!!! I tried to go to bed early last night but I couldn't. I finally settled down at midnight only to stay awake until one yet again. I guess I need to break out the melatonin tonight or no sleep again!!! My poor sister Tracey, I seriously do not know how she can even function, she gets less sleep than I do and she has a full time job at work and at home!!!
Well I didn't do my workout last night. I usually do every other day but Tim was painting and that's the only room I can work out in cuz it contains the vcr for my videos and the space to move in. And church is tonight so I definitely won't be able to tonight. So I am seriously hoping tommorow won't be rough because these workouts are intense and skipping days makes it all the harder. What's really cool is when I feel like I can't do it anymore I can feel the Holy Spirit encouraging me, like, come on, you can do it. And I get that extra boost of energy!!! I really feel convicted to take care of my body. As the Word states, it is the temple of the Holy Spirit and I want to honor that. When I have kids I hope I still can!!!!
So not to bring up a gross topic but does anyone my age suffer with acne still?????? I mean I am 26, you would think this would stop. How embarrassing is it to have your face look like the top of a pizza when your way past teenage-hood. I am praying for healing from acne, I can't stand it. That and allergies, my two biggies. Although there are people who I know who are battling for their lives right now, so my prayer requests seem a little silly!!!
Well as the title states this has been another edition of Kathy's babblings. Don't know what else to say........

I Can't Believe It's ONLY Tuesday

As the title states.....UGGHHHHHH!!! It's only Tuesday and I am completely worn out. I guess probably because I didn't really get to rest this weekend like I usually do, and I won't get to this weekend either. I feel burnt out. I haven't been getting to bed until like 1Am and then getting up early....and I don't even have kids yet!!!! I am still sticking to my workouts...not looking forward to the 1 1/2 tonight as like I have said I am exhausted. I can't wait until February, then I get my extra two days off a week. God bless my mother!!! She is going to be watching the kids every Thursday and Friday.
Well enough complaining!!! The new episode of 24 last night was crazy!!! Do any of you besides Heather and Heidi watch it? I think why I like it so much is because I like seeing terrorists get their butts kicked. It makes me feel a little power in a powerless world, even though it's not real. I wish I could really get to see some of them get it...that would make me happy:0)
So one room in our house is now painted...the bathroom...I feel good we are starting to get rid of the nasty wallpaper borders that the previous owners felt looked good. To each his own I guess, but UGGHHHH!!!!
Does anyone else think the kids show Lazytown is really cute?? I am usually extremely annoyed with kids shows...especially Dora....but Lazytown is really cute. It focuses on getting kids to get out and do something instead of sitting around playing video games and eating junk all day. I hope it's still on by the time I have little ones.
So not much in this post...a bunch of rambling nothings, nothing with much insight or deep meaning, but I got sick of coming to my blog and seeing "24" from the last post, so......have a lovely day and may your week, and mine....fly by in a lovely fashion!!!!

24

So last night the new season of 24 began with shock and awe. I won't ruin it in case anyone has it Tivoed......but man oh man oh man........can't wait for tonight!!!! We had a 24 party at my house last night. I invited Rj and Heather and my parents. It was pretty fun watching the most anticipated show of the year with people who are just as anxious to watch as you are!!! And Heather got her fix hearing, "Previously, on 24." LOL!!! She was saying it all day, just waiting for the show to start!!! Heidi I wish you could have made it up!!!!
Well enough of that!!!! My niece is doing better, you can actually see her throat now!!! Friday I had no idea what I was going to speak in youth group when I thought of one of our teens and a struggle she is going thru losing a family member, and it inspired me to speak on serving God even when times are tough, a lesson I have had plenty of practice in!!! I was very happy that what I thought was a mediocre message, turned into something that helped even me. God never fails. I have been bothered for quite some time with silence, and when I say silence, I mean backing down when it comes to being around those who don't believe and saying nothing. I did that in high school, never really was a great witness. At a bacclaureate service for seniors, I was asked to speak on what God had meant to me growing up. So I gave a pretty inspiring message about God and used the example of footprints as how God had been with me all along. Afterwards the kids who really knew what I was like, laughed and teased me, saying stuff like, "you really have God in your life huh??" That affected me, because I knew I had let God down. I am so tired of backing down to the worldly. They have their right to bash my President. To take God out of my schools, to glorify the degradation of life by killing unborn children and granting quickie divorces over and over and over again. And I have no right to speak out??? I don't THINK so!!! The Bible says that if we keep quiet, the rocks will cry out in our place.....well I don't know about you but I don't want a silly rock taking my place of worshipping the Lord. When I am around those who don't believe I am not going to sit there and hold my tongue while they spew their crap, I am going to speak up, I don't care if it makes me lose friendships, I don't care if it "offends" people.....Gosh Darn't, I'm OFFENDED!!! I'm offended with having to listen to their garbage and be silent. I won't do it anymore. This comes from the last couple of weeks with me noticing trends of people I know backing down and letting the world have their way. Do you know the truest friend I have is named Heather Jo and she accepts me for who I am even though we don't always believe things the same. And I have been honest with her about who I really am in Christ since day one of our friendship. A friendship that has lasted at least 12 years!!!! That says something to me....that if people can't accept my beliefs, they aren't accepting me, I am not asking them to agree with me, but I shouldn't have to sit there and be silent while they voice their opinions. They should not judge me on mine. So therefore I now know that if they act like a bunch of donkeys toward me, they probably aren't worth hanging around!!!! I know this post probably seems out of nowhere but this is something that has been aggrevating me to no end, watching Christians back down. STAND UP!!!! The Kingdom is taken violently and by force. If they can be bold, so can we!!! If they can spew their thoughts and feelings, so can we!!! If they can have a hold on the public, so can we!!!! If we stand up and STOP backing down!!!!!
I just am praying that all of us will have the boldness, including myself, to truly live for our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ, and not be ashamed!!!!!! Sorry if this post didn't make your day, just had to get that one off my chest..............

Just Stuff

So my niece Kiersten is sick. My sister is taking her to the ER as we "speak." Her throat is is so swollen you can literally only see like a tooth-pick sized hole into her throat. She's definitely going to have to get those tonsils out. Please keep this little one in prayer, she's a precious little angel. Yesterday with how sick she was, she prayed for me for my allergies. I didn't understand most of what she said, but it touched me to have her praying for me. The other little one is playing with a giant rubberband right now. He thinks he's cool. He's pretty cute though, I will give him that!!
So I am very tired today. I am praying to get thru the day. It's not like an overwhelming, oh I can't make it kind of feeling. It's just an I really want to go back to bed feeling.
So I am preaching tonight at youth group and I have no idea what I am going to preach or share about. Not for lack of trying to come up with something, but it's not happening. I am hoping with having just Aidan here I can get into the word and the Holy Spirit will inspire. Otherwise I will rob my kids, and I definitely don't want that to happen. God has placed a responsability in my hands and I have to do my best and His best thru me. He's faithful, I know He won't let me down.
Tim recently got in touch with one of our old college professors. He might go down and speak to one of Mr. Socolof's classes about what it's like in our field after graduation. Well his field since I am currently not using my degree. Which is Radio/Television broadcasting in case your wondering. Since college is where Tim and I met, (8 years ago...wow I'm old,) I will probably go with him and visit and we can tour the campus again and see where we fell in love. Being in a nostalgic feeling today I am wearing my old HCCC or H triple, Or Herkimer County Community College, (say that ten times fast,) sweatshirt. I still look like I am 12 in it. I still look like I am 12 in almost anything I wear actually. I think Mr. Socolof would agree that I haven't changed much other than gaining weight and not being the 115lb girl he once knew. Such a word name, Mr. Socolof....pronounced Sock o Lof. He and Mrs. Carroll were two teachers that really inspired Tim and I . They were both very good to us. I can't wait to see them again. Mrs. Carroll is a Christian. I used to be able to go in her office and spill my heart out and know that I could depend on her for sound advice. As a teacher though, watch out, man she was a killer!!! Eight years isn't really that long, but it does seem like so long ago I was fresh out of high school and off to conquer the world. High school seems like eons ago. I haven't seen most of my classmates since the day I graduated. I wonder what they're up to. I guess I will find out next year at my 10-year reunion. Ten years!!!! Now that is scarry!!!! I don't know if I will go. I don't want to be one of those losers that people ask, "What do you do for a living?" In other words, what kind of accomplishments have you made. I am hoping to get my book done and published within this year so I can actually have an accomplishment to brag about. Not that I care what they think, or not that much so anyways, but just to show that little old Kathy who they thought would never ammount to something, did. I want my life to actually mean something.
So I guess I will go as the little one needs attention. I hope you all have a blessed day!!!!!

Things I never knew

So last night I went to my mother's house after work because she said she had some stuff to give me of my Grandma Thompson's. My Dad's mom. Aparently my Grandma is not interested in keeping any of her life memories any more. At any rate, last night I discovered a lot of things. One being that mainly I am a spitting image of my Grandma. Hard to believe when you see a wrinkled face that you could actually look like her, but when I saw her bowling pictures....she bowled with the same women for like 20-something years....the pix from when she was young....ohmigosh.....like looking into a mirror. It shocked me....I never ever thought I looked like her. I know I look like my Dad, but never imagined that I looked like Grandma. That wasn't the only thing I discovered though. I started to realize I didn't even know her. I was looking thru pictures of her life and thru them I got to see her wild side, which my Mom told me she kept going well into the 80's. She was quite the partier with her little bowling league friends. Picture after picture, year after year, hotel rooms they stayed in, championships they won, pictures of them in their 60's nighties, behaving like wild women. It was very weird to see. And then you think, wow, my grandmother actually had a life, which I always knew it just somehow clicked last night. One thing I didn't know until recently was that my Grandmother was married once before my Grandpa. On her honeymoon she met a woman and struck up a conversation with her. They began talking about both of them being on their honeymoons, their husbands and what they did for a living, etc. Turns out it was the same man.....he screwed my grandmother over...bum.....anyways I guess I have to appreciate him somewhat because I wouldn't be here if my grandmother never met my grandpa. Grandma never ever speaks of this marriage, can't say I blame her. Anyways last night I found a picture of my Grandma from 1941, 5 years before she married Grandpa, and she was out in the snow with this guy, all dressed in 40's coats and hats, it was so cute....it was labeled Marie and Stan.....I wonder if "Stan," was "the man." Literally. I kind of felt a connection to my Grandma looking at her old stuff. I am named after her after all....her full name was Katherine Marie Lennox. Which by the way, our family castle....Lennox castle....is in Scotland....found that out last night too.
I guess I just discovered the real person my Grandma is. She's definitely not perfect, just ask any of my family members....she's quite an ornery old lady....I guess that's why I was shocked....she seemed happy, almost joyful, in the old pictures. She also managed to save an envelope and pictures from when the space shuttle the Challenger crashed. Three photos!!! She was there for a tragic historical event!!! Another thing I didn't know...I get my sense of preserving memories from her....all her stuff is labeled with little notes describing what they were....just like I do. Weird. I am happy I got to see this stuff. Now I have to go spend time with her before it's too late and tell her how much I really do love her. Please pray for her salvation, like I said she is an ornery old lady, and she doesn't have much time left... I know this for sure. I only hope I can make a difference by sharing Jesus with her and bringing joy back into her life.

A New Look

Well as you can see thanks to the lovely Jackie, Kat has a brand new look. I think it goes better with the title of my blog because it has a very silent movie, flapper feel to it.
On another note I think my job issue might be solved. I will still be babysitting, but someone else will be helping me out on two days a week so I will have time to do housework and work on my book, etc. Plus I get to see my little ones still and be part of their life.....yea, Aidan won't forget me now!!! It is really an answer to prayer because I had an awful issue with leaving these little ones. I love all of my nieces and nephews, but to get to spend time with some of them every day is just awesome!!! I don't have every detail worked out yet, but I am confident this little plan will work.
So onto another topic....Tim and I thinking about adoption. I know that I know that I know that I will have my own, it isn't about that. (Please read my previous entry if you haven't already!!) I see all these unwanted children, whose parents just leave them in these orphanages, and the thought of their anguish is unbearable to me. I would take them all if I could. I was looking into the photolistings for international and all most every child's description read, "Mother abandoned at birth." One really broke my heart, it was an asian boy with a cleft pallete, it said, "Mother and Father abandoned when they saw his cleft lip." Can you imagine????? Giving up your child because he doesn't look the way you want him to???? UGGGHHHH this world is sick. I am trying to figure out money issues. Each adoption ranges up to $20,000. Time Warner will give Tim and I $5,000 for Tim being an employee.....but the rest I would have to figure somehow. Well that is all for now, read my previous post if you haven't already, God showed me some pretty cool stuff!!!!

Books

Ahhh, just finished the final Mitford book and I must say, I am sad. I cried. You get so attached to characters because they remind you of people you know. For instance the character Uncle Billy reminds me of a dear man who was an elder in our church named Gordon Wood, he passed away of cancer a few years ago. I will not give away any of the book because I want Heather to read them...which I have the first book for you Heather, I got it back from my sister-in-law. Jackie don't give it away, I gotta get Heather to join our Mitford cult...LOL!!! Anyways, I love Jan Karon and her writing style. If you have never heard of these books I highly recommend them. They are a series starting with At Home In Mitford.
Other than that I am sick...uggghhh.....sinus infection yet again, and I felt it began to spread to my ears so I had to go to the doctor today. Luckily my sister was able to have the two little ones in her office while Tim took me. That helped. I am on an anti-biotic for about the 10th time in the space of six months. I am really getting tired of it, eventually I know the anti-biotics won't work because I have taken them so much. I am believing for healing from sinus issues and allergies. My God is a big G, not a little g, God and I know He can do it!!! I also know He can heal my family's very dear friend Lynn Cool. Please keep her in your prayers, I thought it was stage 3 cancer but it is stage 4 and we just found out it has spread to her brain. My parents have not been able to get thru to her family so it is not looking good, but like I said, God is in the miracle business and I know He can do it, please agree with me in prayer on this matter.
So a lot of you have been asking why I won't be baby-sitting anymore and it isn't anything bad or anything. My doctor said extra stress and the hours aren't helping with the pregnancy issue, plus I am just worn. I love my little peanuts more than anything and this was a very difficult decision, because I know that when I am here I can teach them God's love and teach them morals, etc. But my sister does a good job of that too, so I can't feel too guilty!!! I really don't want to leave them but right now I don't see many options. So at the end of January I will be done, and needing a new job. If you all could keep that in prayer I would appreciate it, I need something part-time with daytime hours. I appreciate all your prayers!!!
On one last note I had something really weird yet cool happen to me. I was sitting in my bed, chatting over the day's events with my hubby a few nights ago, when all of the sudden, I kid you not, I heard baby's laughter come from the room across the hall that Tim and I have designated as the baby room. I thought I was nuts and said, "Tim did you hear that?" And he said, "A baby's laugh?" And we just looked at each other like, "wow." I thought it was a sign from God that it would happen soon, but I didn't voice it because I wanted confirmation. So this morning my sister when I called Tracey she was like, "Denise has been trying to call you all morning, she says she has good news for you." Denise is my sister-in-law, married to my brother Kevin. So I called her and she told me that she was sitting in bed and she saw my face and heard me laugh. And I told her I was pregnant. And she prayed and she asked God if this was Him giving her this vision, and she felt the Holy Spirit wash over her and tell her that yes it was going to happen very soon!!! But both things that happened included laughter, like Joy. And I have really felt lately that God is setting things up for Tim and I to be ready. So I am standing in faith and hope and I know God is going to honor His promises to Tim and I. One thing God showed me is in Isaiah 54. The entire chapter. But it begins with, "Sing, o barren, You who have not labored with child! For more are the children of the desolate, than the children of the married woman," says the Lord. "Enlarge the place of your tent, and let them stretch out the curtains of your dwellings; Do not spare; Lengthen you stakes. For you shall expand to the right and to the left, And you descendants will inherit the nations....." The whole thing goes on to say you will not be ashamed or disgraced, and is basically a promise. God showed me that a few months ago. And there is also another scripture but I can't think of it right now:( But anyways I just know that God keeps His promises and I am trusting that, so to end this post, I am ending on a happy, even though I am sick, note. Hope you all have blessed weekends!!!

Memories

You ever notice how when your living out something, as enjoyable as it may seem at the time you don't live it like a memory? And then when you have it as a memory you would give anything to go back just for that moment and just experience it one more time? And you wish you would have enjoyed it more while it was happening?? Well I hate that!!! I want to enjoy now, while it's happening, so when I look back I can say, "I loved that time, but I did get to experience it to it's fullest." I wish I could take a trip and look at my past like Ebeneezer Scrooge. I would go to all the times I remember most with my family, like that Christmas I was talking about in an earlier post, where my Dad was playing along with my little "detective agency," game. And when I made huge snow igloos with my brother. And I would go and watch my Mom cleaning her house again, like when before I started school and was at home, listening to her sing nonsensical songs, wearing those 80's designer, Sergio Valente jeans, and her classic white sweater with colored stripes. I would watch myself play barbies with my sisters, with our Jem dolls. And I would watch myself color on the brand new Smurf wallpaper my Dad had just done our bedroom in. (Luckily it was washable....)
But I know you can't go back and I am not one to live in the past. But I guess that's what makes memories sweet, is knowing you've lived them and knowing they're all yours. If we would take each day God has given us and realize we are making memories, good or bad, maybe we would cherish life a little more.....

Miscellaneous

Didn't think I could spell did ya??? Well as the title shows, I sure can!!! Anyhoo, I am listening to the snoring of the little ones. My little Aidan has been sick since Friday and could sure use some prayer. He has had it coming out both ends consistently without much intake of food. Also running a fever, etc. My sister said he's getting better, but prayer is still helpful. Pray for Kiersten too, she's the only one in the house who hasn't gotten this bug, and I want it to stay that way. And since your already praying, there is a family friend of ours named Lynn Cool who has stage 3 cancer, she was healed once before but it has come back with a brand-new aggression. It has now spread to her brain, barring a miracle from God, the outcome is not good. She is only in her late 40's, early 50's. Her daughter Kristy is my age and is struggling with infertility as well, she wants a grandchild for her mother before anything happens to her, so please pray for that as well. They have been trying for as long as Tim and I, I believe. Thanks to all, because I know you will pray for these things!!
On a slightly happier note, I started excersizing again yesterday. I stopped in August when I had surgery. Boy am I sore today!! I might have done too much too fast. Although my workouts weren't as hard as I thought they would be since it has been so long since I did them. It felt really good to work out though. I figured if I can't control fertility, at least I can control my body and take action. I am sick of feeling and looking the way I do. I want to be healthy. Now if I can only get rid of that Walmart bag full of chocolate we rounded up over Christmas. And then my mom adds her supply to me because her and Dad started their dieting again. UGGGGHHHH!!! Oh I do have one other prayer request for those that shall read this. I need a job after January. Without one I don't know what we will do!!! So please pray for that as well. Well I'm off, hope all of you are being blessed by God and seeking Him with all your hearts!!!!